I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
