I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
