The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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