just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
