i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
