Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
