remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My vagina is officially offended.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
