I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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