I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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