Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
