She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Randomize