Heybabeimwearingurpanties
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
