It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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