So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize