I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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