I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
