Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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