i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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