i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So vagazzling was a success
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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