Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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