arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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