I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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