my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
