She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
