Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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