So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
farters have to be the big spoon...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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