She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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