I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My vagina is officially offended.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
