Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
