I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
