does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
