My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
