I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
