these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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