I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
