I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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