It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize