Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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