You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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