remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
