you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize