you would pick up someone in the library
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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