***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
