They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
