Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
