u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
barbara walters just said penis...
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
