u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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