I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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