Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
