The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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