im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
