we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
