its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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