Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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