Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Mom said you looked used
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
