so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
