Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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