At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
