we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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