Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
