OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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