dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
