is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
