I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
