They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
