About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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