drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
