On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
