Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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