Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
