I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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