Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
